前陣子，台灣各地都在迎接中秋節，商店在促銷，路上提著禮盒的人變多了。夜診結束的回家路上，除了被烤肉的煙燻到之外，還一直被路邊（和上面）（住宅大樓的高樓層）突然發出的鼓噪尖叫和放煙火嚇到。但也是在這種日子，給我一種模糊的感覺就是，在診間講一講就哭了的人，也變得比平常多。
A while ago, people living in Taiwan gathered around to celebrate the Mid-Autumn Festival. Stores were having sales, and there were more people carrying gift boxes on the road. On the way home from the night clinic, I found myself inhaling barbecue smoke, and my heart jumped as sudden noises of fireworks and screams exploded by the roadside (and above) (the upper floors of a very tall building). But I also have a vague feeling that on days like this, more patients just, burst into tears, in the clinic, in the middle of our conversations.
我覺得逢年過節，實際生活的體感並不如節慶氣氛所呈現的那麼歡樂，反而是本來就有憂鬱情緒的人更想哭的日子。可能看旁邊的人那麼開心，比較之下溫度差更大了。
I feel that during the holidays, the life we’re actually experiencing is not as joyful as the festive atmosphere appears. On the contrary, it is a day when people who are already in a melancholy mood tend to crumble into tears. Maybe the emotional temperature seems to get “bluer” as they compare themselves with the seemingly happy people.
有的是被父母情勒哭，有的是被孩子啃老哭，有的是被先生情緒暴力哭，有的是妻子過世還在傷心‧‧‧‧‧‧。有時候我會想，要是他們可以交換一下就好了。會愛人的人，應該要跟同屬性的人在一起，至於另一組，就讓他們自生自滅好了。
He cried because of his parents' emotional blackmail; she cried because her children chew on her; and she cried because her husband emotional abuse her; and he cried because it’s the first mid-autumn festival without his wife. Sometimes I think it would be nice if they could swap. People who can “love” should be with people of the same nature. As for the other group, let them fend for themselves.
但我也知道這是行不通的，因為他們愛的是不同的人，彼此締結的關係也是無法交換和重組的。
But I also know it won't work because “love” and “relationships” cannot be swapped.
還有一個更深層的驅力，導致有些人，總是會被不珍惜他們的人吸引——因為他們需要被「需要」。
There is a deeper drive that causes some people to always be attracted to people who do not value them—because they need to be "needed".
有的人需要感受到自己正在付出，不論他們是否自己意識到。在一段關係中，他們傾向從「我正在對你付出，而你也接受/想要」來建立自我價值。這可能衍生其他議題，例如：當別人拒絕了他的付出，就等於否定了他這個人。
Some people need to feel that they are the one who offers, whether they realize it or not. In a relationship, they tend to build their self-worth from "I offer my love for you and you accept/desire my love." This may lead to other issues, for example: when others reject his/her offer, it’s equivalent to rejecting him/her as a person.
他們無法從那些，自己會照顧好自己，因此不需要他們時時關注的人那裡得到安全感，甚至會產生一種「自己不被需要」的挫折感。反而是那種需要他們關注、照顧、索討很多愛的人，才會勾起他們的欲望和安全感，然後結合在一起。
They cannot get a sense of security from those who take care of themselves and therefore do not need their constant attention, and may even feel frustrated as "they are not needed." On the contrary, it is the kind of person who needs their attention, care, and a lot of love that will arouse their desire and sense of security, and then develop a bond with them.
到了某個臨界點，他們也會累，隱約感到吃不消，怨嘆自己付出那麼多，卻不被珍惜（他們確實也特別容易吸引到水蛭型的人）；但其實他也不允許對方比自己付出更多。這是種很矛盾的心態。那種沉重的、不平等的索愛壓力，讓他們痛苦，卻又讓他們有安全感。
At some point, they also feel tired, somewhat overwhelmed, and complain that they have given so much but are not cherished (they indeed particularly tend to attract leech-type people); but in fact, they do not allow their partner to give more than they can give. This is a very contradictory mentality. The heavy and imbalanced relationship, constantly asking them for love makes them suffer, but it also makes them feel safe.
有的時候，倦怠感是來自羞愧和罪惡感（不想造成他人麻煩、怕對方生氣⋯⋯）。我們對於愛的想像，往往是那種無條件的愛，也許是對自己的期許和要求，或是對那個重要他人的渴望，但關係要能維持，其中的挫折和不公平就需要被平衡。
Sometimes, the feeling of burnout comes from shame and guilt (don’t want to cause trouble to others, don’t want them to get angry...). Our imagination of love is often the kind of unconditional love, which we might expect ourselves to offer, or expect that important other person to give us. But for a relationship to be maintained, the frustrations and unfairness need to be balanced.
如果要消除這個迴圈，你就要考慮到自己真正的感受，而感受到失衡了就是重要的第一步。寫下讓你感到疲倦的人事物，此時請不要加入批判或責備，將重點放在陳述事實。分類是梳理的第一步。學會看透，然後看淡。
If you want to break this cycle, you need to consider how you really feel, and feeling out of balance is an important first step. Write down the things and people that make you feel tired. Don't add criticism or find someone to blame with at this time. Focus on stating the facts. Classification is the first step in sorting out. Learn to see through and then take things lightly.
用一隻老鷹的角度去看待這個關係，而不是一昧地付出（和妥協）。因為你再怎麼付出/妥協，都不會換來你想要的。
Look at this relationship from an eagle eye’s view, rather than giving in (or compromising) blindly. Because you will never get what you want no matter how much you give / compromise.
你可能需要獨處，好好的思考你真正想要的是什麼，而不是你覺得應該是什麼。需要先讓你覺得公平了，再去為其他人著想。然後問自己：麻木、無法改變、割捨不了的原因是什麼？
You may need some time alone to think about what you really want, not what you think things should be. You need to feel fair first before you think about others. Then ask yourself: What is the reason for being numb, unable to change, and unable to let go?
接下來你可能要面對的，就是對方的情緒化，而你需要做的就是理性談判，然後做出你的選擇。這並不是要你跟情緒化的人講道理，或釐清對錯。而是當你回歸自己，而對方因為你沒有繼續滋養他就不愛你，那他原本就不愛你。而你也能更清楚，是否還要繼續留在這段關係。
The next thing you may have to confront is the other person's emotions. And what you need to do is to negotiate rationally and then make your choice. This is not about trying to reason with someone in an emotional state or clarifying what is right and what is wrong. When you realize that they do not love you anymore, just because you return to care for yourself and stop nourishing them, you know they do not love you in the first place. And you will know better whether you want to stay in this relationship.
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