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Seeing without seeing 視而不見

  前幾天，我和母親討論了她做完眼部手術後出現的現象：她似乎只能看到她想看的東西。我想了很多可能的解釋，還問了她一些更細節的問題，排除了一些可能性。不過，我並不打算在這裡展開病例討論。 A few days ago, my mother and I discussed a phenomenon that occurred after she had eye surgery: she seemed to only be able to see what she wanted (or intended) to see. I thought about many possible explanations and ruled out some of them by asking her detailed questions. But I’m not going to begin a case discussion here. 我們之前吵過架，起因是我覺得她故意裝作聽不懂我說的話，或是裝沒看到眼前的東西，只是想測試我的耐性。常常要我牢牢指著那個她眼前的東西，請她順著我手指的方向看，經過好幾秒，她才反應過來。似乎只有到了這一刻，她才能看見它。 We had a fight before because I thought she was pretending not to understand what I said or not seeing the stuff right before her, just to test my patience. It always ended up that I had to point firmly at the thing in front of her and ask her to look in the direction I was pointing. And then it took several seconds before she realised what it was. It seemed that not until that moment could she start to see it. 差不多這時候，我剛讀完小說《剪刀 石頭 布》，故事的主角有臉盲症（相貌失認症），我其實正在查臉盲症的機轉。然...
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Private bookroom | Stack#Folie à deux 私藏選書（持續更新）

  𖥗  社會時事／人性與集體行為   Social issues, Human nature, the Collective Behaviour   𖥗 《失控的憤怒機器》Outrage Machine；托比亞斯．羅斯—史塔克維爾（Tobias Rose-Stockwell） 《未來的犯罪》Future Crimes；馬克．古德曼 （ Marc Goodman ） 《不存在的績效：穩定報酬的真相解密！ 馬多夫對沖基金騙局最終結案報告》No One Would LISTEN；哈利· 馬可波羅 （ Harry Markopolos ） 《AI底層真相》Code Dependent-Living in the Shadow of AI；穆吉亞（Madhumita Murgia） 《我們賴以維生的規則——從量尺、食譜、法律到演算法，人類如何確立和打破一切？》Rules: A Short History—of what we live by；洛林．達斯頓（Lorraine Daston）   𖥗  小說／人性與哲學    Literary fiction, Humanity, Philosophy   𖥗 《像這樣的小事》Small Things Like These；克萊爾．吉根（Claire Keegan） 《雪舞者》Dances on the Snow；盧基楊年科 （ Sergey Lukyanenko ） 《完美的一年》Dein Perfektes Jahr； 夏洛蒂．盧卡斯（ Charlotte Lucas ） - 獻給對生活失去熱情、對自身的缺憾感到無助的你 《剪刀 石頭 布》Rock Paper Scissors；愛麗絲 ．芬妮（Alice  Feeney ） - 相貌失認症這設定太有趣了，以致於我好奇到去搜尋相貌失認症所看到的人臉是什麼樣子。( p.s. 整本看完後再翻回故事開頭的第三行，會有意外的亮點。）我覺得好的書就是通篇都不說什麼大道理，但書中人物的心聲、角色互動之間的張力與情境卻能夠一再觸發許多思考。事情總會有損失的，你得習慣這一點。也許這是一件好事，人們總不能停留在原來所擁有的一切東西上，而是必...
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REM epiphany

  眼前是一道潺潺溪流，在陰影裡溪水是半透明的橄欖石色，既澄澈又混濁。它湍急的沖刷在滿是黑色尖石的河床和河岸上，發出咕嚕咕嚕的聲音。 有一隻手，手指併攏、掌面朝上，穿入水中約兩個指節深。 「你只要把水面弄平整就行了。」一個聲音說。 「那怎麼可能？」我下意識的回應，好像突然想起什麼事一樣猛然抬頭，似乎又在找尋聲音的來源。 「你現在想做的就是這樣的事，所以你才會痛苦。」 手又抽出於水面之上。而溪水依舊潺潺的流著，對於手是否在它之內還是之外，皆無動於衷，無關緊要。 手移出水面之後，溪流還是原來的溪流，手還是原來的手，彼此沒有什麼好糾纏的，彷彿一切從未發生過。 Before me was a babbling brook. In the shadows, the stream held a translucent peridot colour, translucent yet murky in the shade. It rushed swiftly over the riverbed and banks strewn with black, sharp stones, making a gurgling sound. Then I saw an outstretched, cupped palm dip its finger tips in the water. “All you want to do is level the water,” a voice said. “How is that possible?” I responded reflexively, suddenly looking up as if I had just remembered something, as if searching for the source of the sound. “That's what you're trying to do right now, and that's why you're in pain.” The hand pulled out of the water again. The stream continued to flow gently, unmoved and unaffected; it doesn...
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Order in Disorder 失序中的秩序

  在少了醫學背景知識的狀況下，一個人會如何主觀的「認為」（或不認為）自己生病了？我對此感到很好奇。一個人是如何「認出」自己進入了失序的狀態？ / 前幾天剛讀完波蘭作家Stanislaw Lem的科幻小說《索拉力星》。萊姆有四本小說的主題是地球太空船接觸外星球，遇見外星「生物」，分別是《Eden》、《Fiasco》、《Invincible》與《Solaris》，可以說都是挫敗的故事，各有不同的方式與原因。如果在挫敗的原因中強調缺乏了解、無法溝通等等，那麼《索拉力星》把了解與溝通的問題帶到更深的核心，因為在索拉力星的海洋裡，一直蒙著一層無法以「理」破解的紗。人類要溝通的外星生物竟是深藏在人內心之自我的一部份。科學家們雖然拚命想以理性思維去解讀現象與生命型態，扯後腿的卻是每個人自己內心深處、理性之光無法找到的黑暗。 我們有多麼了解自己，我們如何與自己溝通？《索拉力星》給人類提出了一個問題：如果不能先了解自己的內在世界，我們能夠真正了解外在宇宙嗎？ 𓍯𓂃 ֶָ˖ ࣪⊹ 飲食失序（eating disorder）經常被視為是一種生活狀態（lifestyle）的選擇，事實上卻是多重成因且可能致命的疾病，這些疾病會導致個人受到飲食行為的高度困擾。對食物、體重、體型高度執迷也是飲食失序的警訊，常見的類型有厭食症、暴食症以及嗜食症。這些疾病可能造成患者低血壓、體溫過低、電解質失衡、心律不整、喉嚨受損、腸胃功能損壞、骨質疏鬆、牙齒腐蝕、脫水、腦部受損等，甚至可導致多重器官衰竭而死亡。 Eating disorders are often viewed as a lifestyle choice, but they are in fact multi-faceted and potentially fatal illnesses that cause significant distress in an individual's eating behaviour. An obsession with food, weight, and body shape is also a warning sign of an eating disorder. Common types include anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorde...
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Countertransference Hate 反移情恨意

  反移情恨意是治療師在治療過程中，無意識的對患者產生了強烈的敵意、厭惡、憤怒、挫敗等負面情感。最初由精神分析師溫尼考特提出此概念，形容它是一種「厭惡」和「惡意」的混合體，想要與對方保持距離，並摻雜了某種殘忍、更具攻擊性的情感。 Hate in countertransference refers to the intense (often unconscious)  aversion, malice, rage, or frustration that a therapist experiences toward a patient during the course of treatment. First introduced by  Donald Winnicott  in 1949, counter-transference hate is described as a mixture of “aversion” —the desire to distance oneself, and “malice”—a more sadistic or aggressive feeling. 反移情恨意是治療師在面對特別棘手、強烈防衛，或有破壞性的患者時不可避免的反應。這些患者之所以一再挑戰治療師的底線，往往是出於內在的混亂或被拋棄的恐懼。因為他們認為，如果治療師能夠忍受他們的所作所為，而不會報復或拋棄他們，才能證明這位治療師是值得信任的。 Hate in countertransference is an unavoidable reaction for therapists when faced with particularly difficult and destructive patients. These patients often test the therapist's limits out of their inner turmoil or fear of abandonment. They think that if the therapist proves to survive their own hate without retaliating or abandoning them, it’s the on...
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High Loop Gain 高環路增益

  在呼吸生理學中，「loop gain 環路增益」是用於衡量換氣的回饋調控機制的穩定性，它反映了身體對血中氣體濃度（主要是二氧化碳）的擾動產生反應的震盪程度。 它的定義是「controller gain（化學感受器敏感性—主要是腦幹的後斜方核）」與「plant gain（肺部呼吸換氣的效率）」的乘積。 Loop gain in the respiratory system is a measure of the stability of the feedback loop that controls ventilation, reflecting how heavily the ventilatory response to disturbances in blood gas levels (mainly PaCO2).  It is defined as the product of controller gain (sensitivity to blood gases, primarily driven by central chemoreceptors in the brainstem–retrotrapezoid nucleus, RTN) and plant gain (how effectively the lungs change blood gases).  Loop gain > 1 表示容易過度換氣（過度補償），導致不穩定、振盪的呼吸。 A loop gain >1 indicates that the respiratory system tends to overcompensate, leading to unstable, oscillating breathing. (Breathing tends to go off-balance and takes a long time for the body to regain balance.) Loop gain < 1 表示呼吸系統能維持穩定幅度的自我修正。 A loop gain <1 indicates a stable, self-correcting system. High loop gain是導致潮式呼吸及中樞型睡眠呼吸...
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