Path 15, Heh
The intelligence that "light" appears in us.
The influences between Chokmah and Tiphareth, across the Abyss.
我的室友每次作噩夢，都是有人要闖進來、從門或窗戶跑進來、從窗外看裡面、家裡有不認識的人要傷害我們。
她會超激動尖叫很久，直到我成功把她搖醒。
Every time my roommate has nightmares, it is always someone trying to break in, through the door or window, peeking from the window, or intruders trying to hurt us.
She would get super agitated and scream until I managed to wake her up by shaking her shoulder.
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而且我發現就是晚上關燈要睡的時候，把窗簾都拉開，她就會作噩夢。有一陣子就會特別嚴重，有一陣子就還好。其實我喜歡窗簾都拉開的睡，因為這樣我可以看著天空入睡，如果半夜醒來，也有機會看到城市短暫的熄燈時間才透出的星空。但因為這樣室友會作噩夢的機率很高，所以我們一律還是拉上窗簾睡，有時候甚至得把遮光那層也拉上，整個房間就是一片漆黑這樣。
I noticed that she tends to have nightmares when we turn the lights off and let the curtains wide open at night. Occasionally, it just gets worse. To tell the truth, I prefer to keep the curtains open at night, because then I can look at the sky until I fall asleep. And if I wake up in the middle of the night, I can see the starry sky that only reveals for a short period of time when the city lights are turned off. But because this puts my roommate at high risk of having nightmares, we always sleep with the curtains closed at night. Usually, we just close the light filters, but when her nightmare gets worse, we have to close the blackout curtains, and the whole room turns pitch black.
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一開始我只是注意到，室友的噩夢故事情節都蠻固定的，觸發因素也很明確。我想了一下，覺得我不太會作那種噩夢。
At first, I just noticed that the plot in my roommate’s nightmares was quite similar, and we have a known trigger factor. I have pondered on this a little bit and I think I seldom have that kind of nightmare.
大概，我們最常作的噩夢不一樣，顯示出我們恐懼的東西不一樣，安全感的根源也不一樣。
就我所知，她是在一個充滿敵意和暴力的環境長大的，常常要找地方躲，隨時注意風吹草動避開危險。原本應該提供孩子愛與保護的成年人，對她來說一開始就是造成恐懼與威脅的人。被打爆的時候，家族裡的其他人也只是習以為常、視而不見。
I wonder if our most familiar nightmare reveals different fears we have and where our sense of safety resides. My roommate grew up in an environment full of hostility and violence. She often had to find places to hide and always kept alert to signs of danger in order to avoid them. The adults who were supposed to provide love and protection to children were the ones causing fear and threats from the very beginning of her life. And when she was beaten up, other family members just turned a blind eye and pretended everything was just normal.
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睡著是一個人最沒有防備的時候，有些人在過去的生命經驗中，練就了時刻需要保持警覺的習慣，也許這樣的人也需要一個像洞穴的地方才比較能安心睡覺。床鋪旁是大片的窗戶而非實體的牆，就好像睡在一個可以明顯被攻擊的地方，離入侵者的位置也很近，可以理解她為何會睡不安穩。
Sleeping is the time when a person is most defenseless. Some people have developed the habit of being alert at all times in their past life experiences. Perhaps such people also need a place like a cave to sleep more peacefully. If there are large windows next to the bed instead of solid walls, it's like sleeping in a place where you become an easy target. The position is also within the reach of the intruders. It's understandable why she had disturbed sleep.
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照顧過老人，尤其是生病的老人的人，都會知道睡眠問題在這些人身上很常見，尤其是日夜顛倒。他們會在晚上活躍，白天睡覺。很多時候，白天睡得比較好是因為亮亮的，周圍有人在活動，感覺有人醒著幫他注意著，因此感覺比較安全，比較能放鬆下來睡。又白天睡了不少，晚上就不想睡了，整晚睡不著又不知道能做什麼，就這樣煎熬了一晚終於天亮了也累了，就又白天睡了。日復一日就固定成這樣的睡眠模式。
Anyone who has cared for the elderly, especially sick elderly people, will know that sleep problems are common in these people, especially sleep-wake inversion. They are active at night and sleep during the day. Often, these people sleep better during the day because it is bright, there are people moving around them, and there are people awake to help them pay attention to dangers, so they can relax and fall asleep more easily.
And since they sleep a lot during the day, they use up the sleep drive, that’s one reason they cannot fall asleep at night. They stay awake all night, often just lying in bed. After they just suffered like this all night, they finally grow tired at dawn and fall asleep during the day again. Day after day, it becomes their sleep pattern.
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失智患者會有日落症候群，也和光線的變化有關。因為太陽下山後視線變差，影子變多，不安全感加深，會讓躁動的情形出現。
People with dementia often develop Sundowning syndrome, which is also related to changes in the ambient light. As the sun sets, the patient’s vision becomes worse, and there are more shadows in their surroundings, which deepen their insecurity and lead to restlessness.
雖然睡眠衛教都建議睡前避免光線刺激，因為光照會促進大腦醒覺，但情緒和不安對睡眠的干擾，有時不會比光線還小。在這種情況下，優先照顧好不安的部分，短期來說也許會比睡覺時避光還重要，先睡好，讓體力恢復，然後想辦法解決不安。有的時候光是理解不安的可能原因，就足以改善過度警覺和睡眠品質了。總之還是得靈活調整做法才行。
Although sleep health education tells us to avoid light exposure before sleep (as light is one of the strong factors that promote brain awakening), emotions and insecurity can interfere with sleep, sometimes greater than light. In this case, giving priority to taking care of your emotions may be more important in the short term than avoiding light when sleeping. Sleep well first and let your physical strength recover, and then find a way to resolve the uneasiness. Sometimes simply understanding the possible causes of your fears is enough to resolve hypervigilance and improve sleep quality. In short, you still have to be flexible and adjust your approach.
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後來我也試圖歸類我的噩夢，看看是否也有比較固定的主題。原本一直沒有特別的想法，直到某天的晨會，聽到講者描述的動物實驗模型，那時就覺得，哇，小鼠的睡眠剝奪實驗跟我的噩夢好像，夢裡我就是那隻小鼠。
I tried to figure out whether my nightmares also had a more dominant theme, but had no idea in particular. Until one day, in a morning meeting, I heard the speaker describing the sleep-deprived and sleep-restricted animal models, and I thought, wow, the way the experiments were conducted strongly reminded me of my nightmares. In those dreams, I am just like that mouse.
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我覺得，多認識自己的個人創傷和恐懼的核心很重要，因為你不想陷入同樣的問題，然候一直受到那些，隱藏在你的頭腦和內心的東西，干擾你做事和生活，對吧？
I think it’s important to recognize your personal trauma and the core of your fears, because you don’t want to be trapped in the same issue and negatively affected by something hidden in your mind and heart, right?
但同時，我認為過度強調創傷很容易適得其反。根據某個徵兆或現象做出假設，是許多問題的根源。並非所有問題都是由於過去的創傷造成的；就算是跟創傷有關，當下的生活還是要過，再怎麼證明你正處於痛苦也不會有人來救你的，你得想辦法先救自己。
But at the same time, I think that over-emphasizing trauma could easily backfire. Making assumptions based on phenomenon/what it appears to be is the root of many problems. Not all problems are due to past traumas. Even if it is related to trauma, you still have to keep going with your current life. There’s no use even if you try hard to prove how painful it is, no one will come to save you. You have to find a way to save yourself first.
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人會一直改變，你可能已經和過去的你處境不同，能耐也不同了。而當你了解過去的創傷是如何影響你的理智和行為模式時，你至少可以重新獲得一些控制和安全感。
People change all the time. You may be in a different situation than you were in the past, and what you’re capable of is also different from the past. When you understand what past trauma affects your rational and behavioural patterns, you can at least regain some sense of control and security.
當人深陷於某種掙扎時，會非常渴望賦予這個痛苦某種意義。因為如果精神上的痛苦有一個目的和一個原因，那麼它好像就不會太糟，而是有更大的理由。然而實際上，有時它就是沒有什麼偉大的意義，它只是生活中的一個糟糕的事實。對小鼠來說，完成實驗對牠來說有什麼意義呢？牠只是其他存在為了收集資料所出現的過程。這其中也沒有惡意。但如果現階段你需要一個理由才能撐下去，那就找一個吧！這沒有什麼不好，就是不要困在一個地方太久就好，我是這麼想的。
As someone dealing with their own struggles, they would very much feel an urge to ascribe meaning to it that's just not there. If the mental anguish had a purpose and a cause then it wouldn't be so bad, there'd be a greater reason for it. But there isn't some great cause to it, it's just a shitty fact of life. What’s the meaning of it to the mouse to complete the experiment? It’s just another process needed to collect data. There was no malice in this either. But if you need a reason to hold on at this stage, find one! There's nothing wrong with that, just don't be stuck in one place for too long, that's what I think.
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動物實驗已經有很多廣泛使用的模型，會依據實驗要測試的認知行為來使用不同的模型。目前有不只一種小鼠的睡眠剝奪實驗模型，而「水上平台」就是其中一種。小鼠會被放置於隱藏在水中的小平台上，以每隔30分鐘的時間間隔，被輕輕撫摸或施加感官刺激來防止牠睡著，並剝奪睡眠一天或好幾天。
There are many widely used animal models, and different models are used depending on specific cognitive behaviour to be tested in the experiment. There is currently more than one animal model for sleep deprivation, and the "platform over water" method is one of the standard methods for sleep deprivation in mice. The mouse is placed on a small platform in the water and is deprived of sleep for one or more days. During 30-minute intervals, the animal is gently handled and sensory stimulation is used to prevent sleep.
「水上平台」的設計主要是用來剝奪小鼠的快速動眼期(REM)睡眠，其效果可顯著減少 30-50% 的非快速動眼 (NREM) 睡眠，並幾乎完全消除快速動眼睡眠，即小鼠每天約損失4-6小時的睡眠。
The “platform over water" method is designed to deprive mice of REM sleep. It produces an effect of significantly reducing NREM sleep by 30–50% and nearly completely extinguishes REM sleep of mice, which is about 4–6 hours of sleep loss per day.
註：
▸ 老鼠是夜行性動物，但牠們的睡眠時間很能靈活調整。
▸ 老鼠每天約睡 12 個小時，每一次睡眠週期從幾分鐘到一個小時都有。每個睡眠週期的大腦活動模式以及控制醒-睡的神經迴路都與人類相似。
▸ Mice are nocturnal, however, they do adjust to sleep schedules with ease.
▸ Mice snooze for about 12 hours a day, and their sleep is condensed into cycles of several minutes to an hour long. Yet the patterns of brain activity during each sleep cycle and the neural pathways controlling sleep and awake states resemble that of human's.
另外還有一種是「睡眠剝奪室」，小鼠會被放進一個圓筒狀的裝置，裝置底下有一個電動橫桿，橫桿會像指針一樣繞圈子，推動小鼠持續移動並防止牠睡著。繞圈的方向和速度會不定時改變，以防小鼠習慣和預測橫桿的動作。
And there’s another model called Sleep Deprivation Chamber. The model uses a cylindrical cage with a motorized bar that gently nudges the mouse to continue moving and prevent it from falling asleep. The speed and direction of the rotating bar change from time to time to prevent the mice from getting used to and predicting the movements of the bar.
其他還有把小鼠放在跑步機或滾動的桿子上，迫使牠們醒著和持續移動，只有很少的休息時間而且很難睡著。
Other models set up a forced locomotion environment, such as putting mice on treadmills, rotating floor, or rolling poles, forcing them to be awake and constantly moving, with little resting time and difficulty falling asleep.
後來人們注意到，這些模型有個缺陷，就是無法直接證明其結果是睡眠剝奪造成的。因為所有的模型都可能造成小鼠的壓力，抽血結果也發現小鼠們的壓力荷爾蒙 (cortisol) 均有程度不等的升高。
It was later noticed that these models have a flaw. They cannot prove it’s directly caused by sleep deprivation. Because all models may cause stress in mice, and blood draw results also found that the stress hormone (cortisol) in the mice increased to varying degrees.
( 那次晨會的講題是動物實驗模型中，睡眠剝奪與睡眠限制對腦中Klotho蛋白含量的影響，以及Klotho對工作記憶及空間記憶的影響。)
( 還好講者不會知道我的感想。)
( 科學家也是很浪漫，很多命名都用神話裡的名字。Klotho 是命運三女神裡的「紡線者」)
(It was about the role of anti-aging protein Klotho in sleep-deprived and sleep-restricted mouse models.)
(I feel thankful that the speaker won’t know I feel this way.)
(Scientists are romantic. You see, they often give their discovery a name derived from mythology. Klotho is the "spinner" among the three goddesses of fate)
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