厭恨是一種非常極端的感覺,與憤怒或沮喪等其他常見的不愉快感覺相比,它幾乎沒有留下任何與人連結或容納同理心的空間。而當一個人放棄連結和同理心時,他的認知和情緒的調適策略(意識層面的抗壓系統)就會減弱。
Hatred is a very extreme feeling that, compared with other often-related unpleasant feelings like anger or frustration, leaves little, if any, room for connectedness or empathy. And when you take connectedness and empathy off the table, you reduce your cognitive and emotional coping options.
如果你因為人類本質上的不完美而厭惡所有人,你可能就不想與任何一個人有任何關係。也許你相信所有人都會傷害他人並摧毀他們周遭的世界,而你無法容忍這種事。
If you are disgusted with everyone, because of the inherent nature of human imperfection, you may want nothing to do with any of them. Perhaps you believe all people are hard-wired to hurt others and destroy the world around them, and you simply have no tolerance for it.
此外,厭惡的情緒不僅需要消耗大量的認知和情感能量,還常常伴隨著交感神經系統的戰鬥或逃跑(或凍結)反應,時間一久,這個人最終可能就會經歷到慢性壓力的一些長期後果,例如全身性發炎。
Furthermore, feeling hatred toward others not only requires a great deal of cognitive and emotional energy, it’s also the feeling that is often coupled with the sympathetic nervous system’s fight or flight (or freeze) response. In that case, the person might eventually experience some long-term consequences of chronic stress, such as systemic inflammation.
「討厭人」又不得不與人互動,隨之而來的壓力及痛苦,是促使一個人訴諸不健康的自我安慰方式的誘因,例如利用吃來讓心情好一點,或使用酒精及其他形式的上癮,來抑制和逃避痛苦。
The affliction of having to interact with people despite hating them, often prompts people to seek unhealthy self-soothing behaviours, such as eating comfort foods or using alcohol or other forms of addiction to suppress and avoid their distress.
同時,這些無法解決的壓力與痛苦,也讓一個人傾向於退出健康的活動和習慣,例如運動、與支持你的朋友和家人共度時光等等。這不僅僅是阻礙了你與那些能豐富你的生活的人的聯繫,也會讓你失去愉快的人生經驗。
Unresolved distress and feelings may also be combined with a tendency to withdraw from healthy activities such as exercising and spending time with supportive friends and family, which inhibits you from connecting with people who are able to enrich your life. This eventually robs you of enjoyable life experiences.
因此,無論是透過不健康的自我安慰來應付這種感覺,還是長期交感神經系統過於活躍,身而為人又厭惡人類,可能會對健康產生不利影響。
So, whether through unhealthy self-soothing to cope with the feeling or long-term sympathetic nervous system activation, being a human but at the same time hating humans could adversely affect your health.
如果你討厭人,該怎麼辦呢?這可能是一種痛苦且孤立的感受,因此,採取一些方式來改善你的人性觀非常重要。先學習辨識出自己身上發生的認知扭曲和負面思考模式將會有所幫助。
What should you do if you hate people? It can be a distressing and often isolating way to feel, so it is important to take steps to improve your outlook on humanity. Learning to recognize cognitive distortions and negative thinking can help.
如果你覺得自己討厭所有人,以下是一些值得一試且對你有幫助的行動策略:
The following are some strategies that might be helpful if you feel like you hate everyone:
1. 避免「全有或全無」的想法:如果你對人的厭惡源於某個特定問題上的意見分歧,請記住,你可以與他人意見不合,甚至生氣,但並不討厭他們。你強烈不同意別人的價值觀或行為,並不代表那個人就很壞。提醒自己,你的厭惡情緒是針對問題,而不是針對人。
1. Avoid all-or-nothing thinking: If your hatred toward others is rooted in a disagreement with them about a specific issue, try to remember that you can disagree–and even be angry–with others without hating them. Just because you strongly disagree with someone else’s beliefs or behaviour does not mean that person is all bad. Remind yourself that your feelings of hate are about the issue, not the person.
2. 避免一概而論:如果你對人的厭惡集中在一群人身上,例如某個種族、地區或信仰的人,那麼你的想法是不合理的,因為你正在將一整群人歸入一個你認為「壞」的類別,並根據某個他們的共同特徵對他們做出假設(貼上標籤)。
2. Avoid generalising: If your hatred toward others focuses on a group of people, such as people of a certain race, region, or belief, your thinking is irrational because you are generalising. You are lumping an entire group of people into one “bad” category and making assumptions about them based on a characteristic they have in common. (labelling them)
3. 優先考慮自我照顧:優先考慮你自己的需求並照顧好自己非常重要。例如,如果你感到壓力很大,你的生活可能需要做一些改變。或者,如果你是內向的人,你可能需要學會設定健康的界限,以幫助你感到更舒適。
3. Prioritise self-care: It’s important to prioritise your needs and take care of yourself. For instance, if you are stressed out, you may need to make changes in your life. Or, if you are an introvert, you may need to set healthy boundaries that help make you more comfortable.
4. 同理心:覺察和接納世間各形各色的細微差異和培養同理心,是鑽牛角尖的解藥。重要的是要明白,沒有人是全好的,也沒有人是全壞的。正如你的信念和行為有你的理由一樣,其他人也有他的理由。每個人心目中的優先順序都不一樣。
4. Practice empathy: Nuance and empathy are antidotes to irrational thoughts. It’s important to understand that no one is all good or all bad. Just as you have your reasons for your beliefs and behaviours, so do others. Everyone has different priorities.
𓇼 ◈ 𓇻
('𖥦' ) 自從MBTI流行起來之後,很多那種比較T人和F人對事件的反應都好好笑。
說到「同理心」,我越來越覺得,有的時候,醫生不要太有同理心反而是好事。不然你就要有把握不會因為共感而傳染到對方的情緒或是精神問題。畢竟醫生的職責還是在診療,不是安慰人。不能連你都陷進去。
記得在精神科病房見習的時候,我都覺得跟患者聊天很有趣、收穫很多,沒有覺得他們是病人。話說其實很多有精神疾病的患者也和一般人沒兩樣,只有在一些特定的時候才會表現出病徵,你才會感到一絲怪異。我都想說,那時候覺得精神病房裡的人蠻正常的我,是不是不太正常呢?至今也不得而知了。(精神科病房輪訓的日子,真像是記憶的異次元 (´⌯𖥦⌯`))
回想人生中最糟糕的那些時候,聽我說話後會情緒比我還多的朋友,反而讓我感到更加自責和愧疚、還要花更多力氣去安慰他們。所以為了保護那些情緒纖細又很關心我的人,最後我想到最好的方法就是把他們揮開,趕得越遠越好,以確保我不會傷害到他們。我也不敢靠近他們或讓他們知道,不然好像會變得更麻煩了。
當一個人已經陷在流沙裡的時候,你需要的是一個在岸上把你拉上去的人,一個對你的負面思考和情緒污染有自然屏蔽體質的人,而不是下來陪你然後一起墜落的人。我需要的也許就是那種,我講完了他回我說「喔,所以晚餐要吃什麼?」那種完全沒打算同理你情緒的人。這樣我反而能藉由他看到,原來別人是用這種態度在面對和思考的,然後打破原有的模式走出去。
𓊦𓈒𓏸.゚
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