Nino d'Heresie

最近的一些事，讓我重新定義別人說的話對我來說的意義。
不知道是不是經歷過嚴重飲食失調的人才會懂，例如我聽到人家說「噢我吃不太下。」「我從早上忙到現在都沒吃什麼東西。」「人不舒服沒胃口」之類的，我會立刻反射性的冒出「我怎麼會吃這麼多？」「我好貪吃。」「我真不該吃東西。」之類覺得自己很噁心很糟糕的負面心聲。
 Some recent events have redefined how I interpret people's words. I don’t know if only people who have experienced serious eating disorders would understand, for example, when I hear random person says “Oh, I can’t eat much.” “I haven’t eaten anything since this morning.” “I feel sick and lost appetite” and so on, negative thoughts instantly pop up in my head, such as “Why do I eat so much?” “I’m so greedy.” “I really shouldn’t eat.” and other negative thoughts that make me feel myself disgusting and terrible. 回想起來其實會發現，自己對「正常」的認知，跟其他人可能很不一樣，描述同一件事的用詞，自己和別人常常是很不一樣的，反過來說，別人用這樣去描述一件事，被我理解出來可能落差很大。
 Looking back, I should have noticed earlier that my perception of "normal" might be very different from that of other people. The words others and I use to describe the same thing are often very different. So I think it makes se...

前幾天睡眠醫學會晨會在講 Sleep terror (睡驚)，就是剛進入深睡時突然驚恐醒來，但沒有完全醒，會吼叫或防衛性肢體動作，造成東西損壞（少數造成自己受傷，大部份都是室友比當事者還驚嚇），但事後本人不會記得。我今天整理資料，突然想到陰陽蹻脈病。Sleep terror幼兒比較常見，但成人也有。這讓我想到之前門診的一位大學生，有一陣子就是剛睡沒多久會聞到電線燒焦味，然後恐慌，心臟很用力跳動，快喘不過氣、滿身大汗的醒來。 A few days ago, the TSSM held a morning meeting to talk about “sleep terror,” a sleep disorder in which a person has a sudden arousal from deep sleep in a terrified state, while not fully awake. The person may scream or engage in violent/defensive bodily activity, causing damage to things (in some cases, people cause injuries to themselves, but in most cases, their roommates are more frightened than the person involved), but the person will not remember it afterwards. When I was sorting out some information today, the idea of the Yin/Yang Heel Vessels disease suddenly came to me. Sleep terror is more common in young children, but it can also happen in adults. This reminds me of a college student who I saw in the outpatient clinic before. For some time, he would smell the smel...

  它的樹幹是有眼睛的那種 Those eye-like shapes on its tree trunk ⵥ 老房子旁邊長出一棵大樹，樹根和小蛇一般粗的藤正在侵蝕牆壁。我們試著把它砍掉，結果它從切開的地方流出像是血漿還是草莓果醬的顏色。室友A還以為她弄傷了手，但其實那是樹汁。 我們原本以為那是一棵苦楝樹，但它會流紅色的汁，所以似乎是一棵茄苳？ A big tree grew beside the old house, and its roots eroded the wall. We tried to cut it off, and it came out the colour of blood plasma or strawberry jam. My roommate thought she was injured, but it was actually tree sap. We thought it was a neem tree, but the one with red sap seems to be an Autumn Maple Tree. 不確定它是什麼... not sure what it is...eh ⵥ 今天早晨的暴雨，打在周圍的鐵皮屋頂好大聲，感覺好像住在瀑布裡。 The heavy rain in the morning hit the surrounding iron roofs so loudly that it felt like living in a waterfall. ⵜ. 感受到木的穿透力真可怕。可以鑽進任何裂縫再從內部撐破，或是木質化之後比岩石硬，植物纖維比任何人工的織物 還堅韌難摧，又兼具可塑性。加上最近在看一部漫畫， 安田佳澄的《愚者之夜》，在清理老房子旁邊的侏羅紀公園時真的一再測試我的恐懼臨界點。那些藤蔓的生長方式讓植物與動物之間的界線變得模糊。 It's terrifying to feel the penetrating power of the woods. It can drill into any fissure and then crack things open from the inside, or become harder than rock after becoming wood-...