最近剛看完《來自深淵》，因為還有一些劇情中沒有解釋清楚的部分，就去找論壇上人物設定和隱喻的相關討論，於是就看到有人整理好的作者訪談紀錄。因為是舊番了，所以資訊也累積不少。其中有一段，作者提到他高中的時候，就專注在畫長著許多疣的生物和如何逼真的畫出疣的切面。這讓我回想起國中的時候有位同學，平常就很喜歡畫很醜的東西，越噁心、越醜，她就覺得越好笑。
I just finished watching Made in Abyss recently. Because there are still some parts in the plot that are not explained clearly, I went to the forum to find discussions about character settings and metaphors, and then I saw the interview records of the author that someone had compiled. (It’s an anime series adapted from a manga that released almost a decade ago, so you can find a lot of information.) In one paragraph, the author mentioned that when he was in high school, he focused on drawing creatures with many warts and the technique of drawing cross-section of warts realistically. This reminded me of a classmate in junior high school who liked to draw ugly things. The more disgusting and uglier, the funnier she thought it was.
那時的我從旁觀察並且感受得到，她是真心從這樣的行為和創作當中獲得樂趣。她也只會私下和朋友分享她的這個小樂趣，類似把你當成要好的朋友才跟你分享的意思。而那也成了我人生中很早就知道「有喜歡醜怪事物的人」的緣由。
I observed and felt that she really enjoyed such behavior and creations. She would only share her little fun with her friends in private, just like she would share with you if she treated you as a good friend. And that became the reason why I knew very early in my life that "there are people who like ugly and weird things".
《來自深淵》給我同樣的感覺，在看到了作者的訪談紀錄時直接勾起了我對那位國中同學的回憶。尤其到了後面幾集，可以感受到作者越來越明顯的表現出這種傾向，我不是在說流血和傷口這種普通的東西，而是爬升詛咒、終末慘劇、黏糊糊的集合體、排泄物、肢體殘缺，以及它們形成的過程。我是覺得他可以不需要這樣呈現的（不影響劇情推展和讀者的理解），但他卻選擇花時間在處理和呈現這些細節。
Made in Abyss gave me the same feeling. When I saw the interview record of the author, it directly evoked my memories of that junior high school classmate. Especially in the later episodes, you can feel that the author is showing this tendency more and more obviously. I am not talking about ordinary things like bleeding and wounds, but Curse of the Abyss, the Hollows, slimy aggregates, excrement, limb mutilation, and the process of their formation. I think he doesn't need to present it this way (it does not affect the plot and for readers to understand), but he chose to spend time processing and presenting these details.
我想起在Line貼圖商店也看過這種很醜、甚至醜到光是看到就感到莫名被冒犯的系列貼圖，我想這也是一個集合的人會喜歡的東西。加上最近Labubu搶購的新聞，我突然有點好奇喜歡醜怪事物的人是否透露著某種趨性或現象，而「醜怪」的潮流又暗示著一種什麼樣的集體狀態呢？
I remember seeing this kind of ugly stickers in the Line sticker store, so ugly that it makes me feel inexplicably offended just by looking at them. I think this is also a genre that a collective of people like. Coupled with the recent news of adults can’t stop buying Labubu toy, I suddenly became a little curious whether people who like ugly and weird things reveal some kind of tendency or phenomenon, and what does ”the ugly and weird" trend suggest as a collective state?
「醜怪」的英文詞彙有好幾個，在想得到的幾個字當中，我覺得最接近我心中概念的應該是這幾個：
“Grotesque” ——形狀、外貌或風格怪異，且通常帶有不舒服或可怖的意味。
“Deformed”——畸形的。
“Repulsive”——引起強烈的厭惡或反感。
There are several English words for “醜怪” (can be loosively translated to “ugly"), among the words that come to mind, I think the ones that are closest to the concept in my mind are:
"Grotesque" - strange in shape, appearance or style, and usually with uncomfortable or scary connotations.
"Deformed" - (of a person or part of the body) not having the normal or natural shape or form; misshapen.
"Repulsive" - arousing intense distaste or disgust.
其實我也不知從何查起，但醫學上「喜歡xxx」的名詞通常都是-philia結尾的，在嘗試輸入幾種關鍵字組合之後，我能查到最接近的資訊大致涵蓋了精神心理學上的，以及生物演化的角度切入的解釋。讓我看看有什麼？（瞇眼）
I actually don't know where to start, but in medicine, the term “an attraction to xxx" usually ends in “-philia”. After trying to enter a few combinations of keywords, the closest information I can find roughly covers explanations from the perspectives of psychiatry and biological phenomenon that has something to do with evolution. Let me take a closer look …? (squinting)
首先，雖然稍嫌偏離主題（但我覺得作為可能的解釋之一還蠻合理的），是「慕殘」或「性偏離」。「慕殘」是指一種性癖，迷戀殘缺，或熱衷於變為殘疾，最常見的表現是對截肢、義肢和拐杖感到興奮。又依行為表現可分為慕殘者（devotee），扮殘者（pretender）和自殘者（wannabe）。而性偏離（舊稱「性慾倒錯」)是指對非典型的人事物產生性興趣。
First of all, although it is a bit off topic (but I think it is quite reasonable as a possible explanation), it’s something similar to Acrotomophilia or Paraphilias, or "disability fetish." Acrotomophilia is a sexualised interest in the appearance, sensation and experience of disability. The most common interests are towards amputations, prosthesis, and crutches.
Paraphilias refers to a sexual interest in objects, situations, or individuals that are atypical.
這對熟悉二次元文化的人來說應該不陌生吧？而且身體缺陷的原因可以帶出人物設定，以及人物在故事中隨著成長、突破天生弱勢和困境，變得比誰都強大的這種反轉劇情。很多義肢也做得很漂亮，可以成為人物特色之一。
It should be familiar to those who are familiar with the ACG culture, right? Moreover, the reason for the physical defects can bring out the character settings, as well as the reverse plot of the characters growing up, overcoming their inherent weaknesses and difficulties, and becoming stronger than anyone else. Many prosthetics are also beautifully designed and can become one of the character's defining features.
美國精神醫學會在其《精神疾病診斷與統計手冊》（DSM）第五版中，將「性偏離」和「性偏離障礙」區分開來，前者被定義為非典型性興趣，後者則還需伴隨痛苦的體驗、生活功能障礙，和/或與非合意對象發生性行為的慾望。不過，實際上有些性偏離本身就存在兩個以上的術語，而不同術語彼此之間也有重疊或互用，很難明確的劃分。
The American Psychiatric Association, in its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, Fifth Edition (DSM), draws a distinction between paraphilias (which it describes as atypical sexual interests) and paraphilic disorders (which additionally require the experience of distress, impairment in functioning, and/or the desire to act on them with a nonconsenting person). Some paraphilias have more than one term to describe them, and some terms overlap with others.
若考慮到不同文化的社會風氣，何謂「正常」就存在可大可小的差異。不過，可以確定的是，所有的「偏離常軌」都有著一個共通點，就是它們都扎根於自然和正常之上，而當我們越望向光譜的極端，就會看見誇張、扭曲、與畸形。
If we consider the social ethos of different cultures, there can be major or minor differences in what is considered "normal". However, what is certain is that all "deviant" has one thing in common, that is, they are rooted in nature and normality, and the more we look to the extremes of the spectrum, the more we see exaggeration, distortion, and deformity.
印度法醫學家Anil Aggrawal在其2008年出版的關於性病理學的著作中，列出了547個描述性偏離的術語。然而，他也提醒道：「並非所有的性偏離都會在臨床出現。這或許並非因為它們不存在，而是因為它們太過無害，以至於從未引起臨床醫生的注意，或直接被忽視。就像過敏一樣，陽光下的任何事物都可能引起過敏，包括陽光本身，性癖也是如此。」
In his 2008 book on sexual pathologies, Anil Aggrawal compiled a list of 547 terms describing paraphilic sexual interests. He cautioned, however, that "not all these paraphilias have necessarily been seen in clinical setups. This may not be because they do not exist, but because they are so innocuous they are never brought to the notice of clinicians or dismissed by them. Like allergies, sexual arousal may occur from anything under the sun, including the sun."
不過，儘管《來自深淵》也收到讀者評論說，作者隨著劇情推展越來越表現出性癖，我感到好奇的現象是對於醜怪（可以是物體，不一定是完整的人）的特殊愛好，再說，若說人類的所有喜好都必須和性欲有關聯，未免也太狹隘了吧？又不是佛洛伊德。
However, although Made in Abyss has received comments from readers saying that the author shows more and more sexual fetishes as the plot progresses, what I am curious about is the special preference for Grotesque/the Deformed (which can be objects, not necessarily people). Besides, if we say that all human preferences must be related to sexual desire, isn't it too narrow-minded? I’m not a fan of Freudian personality theory to be honest.
就我過去所學形成的認知，我會認為人們會對醜惡、污穢的事物產生自然的反感並且想要遠離，應該是因為在演化的路上，那些是可能造成感染、疾病、或帶來傷害的東西。感到討厭、噁心、害怕，就會想要遠離，最終的結果是為了避免痛苦或是延續生命。我想這是根植於生物的本能，即使我們沒有意識到。但這樣的話，喜歡醜怪的東西又是怎麼回事呢？
Based on what I've learned, I think people naturally feel disgusted by ugly and dirty things and want to stay away from them because they are things that can cause infection, disease, or harm in the course of evolution. Feeling disgusted, nauseous, or afraid makes people want to stay away from them, and the ultimate result is to avoid pain or prolong life. I think this is rooted in biological instinct, even if we don't realize it. But in this case, what's the matter with liking Grotesque/the Deformed things?
第二種解釋是演化學上的「缺陷原則」（又稱不利條件原理），他甚至被應用在經濟學上，例如《情緒賽局》這本書所述。「缺陷原則」是由以色列生物學家阿莫茲·扎哈維於1975年提出的假說，認為 （裝飾性的）第二性徵是代價高昂的訊號，一旦要顯現這些東西，就會耗費資源或付出一定程度的代價，而這是資源不足的個體所無法承擔的。雄孔雀燦爛而笨重的尾巴就是典型的例子。生物適應性較強的動物，會透過看似降低整體適應性的形態或行為，來傳遞出「沒差啊因為我有本錢這麼做」這種訊號，其功能類似於人類的炫耀性消費和一些危險行為，顯示其有能耐浪費資源或讓自身處於不利的條件。
The second explanation is the "handicap principle" in evolution, which has even been applied in economics, such as described in the book "Feeling Smart" (written by Eyal Winter). The handicap principle is a hypothesis proposed by the Israeli biologist Amotz Zahavi in 1975. It suggests that the costly signals indicates quality, because inferior-quality signallers are unable to produce such wastefully extravagant signals.
The remarkable and bulky tail of the male peacock is a classic example. Animals with strong biological adaptability will send such signal through morphology or behavior that seems to reduce overall adaptability. The central idea is that the selected traits function like conspicuous consumption and certain risky behaviours in humans, signalling the ability to afford to squander a resource or put itself in a disadvantageous position.
第三種解釋是生物型態學上的「警戒作用」，也就是警告潛在捕食者無利可圖的信號。這可包括任何使敵人放棄捕食的策略，例如難吃、有毒、惡臭氣味或強烈的威嚇行為。其實警戒訊號對捕食者和獵物雙方都有利，因為雙方皆可避免潛在傷害，所以才能夠代代遺傳下去。在人類身上，可以視為藉由古怪嗜好，獲得他人更謹慎地對待，或是崇敬，或是至少敬而遠之。
The third explanation is the biomorphic "aposematism", which is a signal that warns potential predators that there is no profit. This can include any strategy that makes the enemy give up hunting, such as unpalatable, poisonous, foul smell or strong intimidating behavior. In fact, aposematism is beneficial to both predators and prey, because both sides can avoid potential harm, so it can be passed down from generation to generation. In humans, it can be regarded as a weird hobby that allows others to treat them more carefully, or respect them, or at least stay away from them.
其他可能解釋還有：
印痕效應——童年時期遇到明顯怪異的人事物，並在同時被喚起了強烈的情感，這可能會引發當事者邏輯推理，將對那強烈情感體驗的渴望，與類似的元素連結在一起。
逃避壓力——嚴格的教養方式和/或繁重的同儕環境，可能會導致人從疾病和殘疾尋求慰藉。隨著時間的推移，這種傾向也可能會「投射」到他人身上，這在孟喬森症候群（模擬或誘發疾病作為獲得同情和利益的途徑）尤其明顯。他們認為自己變得「不尋常」是更有吸引力。
住院期間所接受的照護也可能會喚起成為殘疾的渴望（作為一種確保持續被照顧或獲得關注的方式），之後這種願望也可能會投射到他人身上。
Other possible explanations include:
Imprinting—Encountering Grotesque/the Deformed in childhood and awaked strong emotions, which may give rise to quasi-logical reasoning and links the desire for the intense feeling to the type of Grotesque/the Deformed with similar elements.
Flight from pressure—strict parenting and/or onerous peer environments may cause some people to seek respite in sickness and disability. With time, the wish to become disabled is "projected" onto others. The analogy with Munchausen Syndrome (simulating or inducing illness as a route to compassion and benefits) is reasonably clear in wannabes. They see themselves as more attractive if “abnormal”.
Care received during hospital stays may awaken a wish to become disabled (as a way of ensuring continuous care), later projected onto others.
最後是我自己想到的一些解釋：
一種可能是，某種程度上覺得自己跟醜怪很像，從醜怪中得到了某種共鳴。並且要是醜怪能被喜愛，那麼自己也能被愛。
另一種可能是來自人類唯一無可質疑的天性，也就是「好奇心」。對「未知」的好奇與恐懼，會讓人產生著迷的感覺。
Finally, here are some explanations I thought of:
One possibility is that people might feel themselves very similar to the “monster”/Grotesque/the Deformed to some extent, and they get resonance from it. And if the monster can be loved, then they themselves can also be loved.
Another possibility is that it comes from the only unquestionable human nature, which is "curiosity". Curiosity and fear of the "unknown" can make people feel fascinated.
其實人有特殊癖好很常見，只是有些癖好可能跟社會既有的框架有衝突，以至於只好變得隱晦或是另尋出口。但據說在理想的情況下，很多人會選擇從事可以合理地接近、或是大量暴露於這些嗜好的行業或是工作。可能包括專科醫生、法醫、動物實驗、或遊戲製作等娛樂產業，我在《愛x死x機器人》就充分的感受到了。
In fact, it is common for people to have special fetishes, but some fetishes may conflict with the existing framework of society, so they have to become obscure or find other outlets. But it is said that in an ideal situation, many people will choose to work in industries or jobs that can reasonably approach or be exposed to these fetishes. This may include doctors (certain specialists), forensics, animal experiments, or entertainment industries such as game production. I fully felt this in "Love Death + Robots".
如果說生命的意義在於體驗，而人的好奇心會驅使他被那些人事物吸引（或吸引來那些人事物），進而觸發體驗，那我覺得透過某種創作形式來紓解這種壓力是好的，至少我們不用靠親身經歷才能體驗那些東西。也因為我們同時存在這個世界，有時我們剛好會一起經歷別人想要經歷的事情。
If the meaning of life lies in experience, and people’s curiosity drives them to be attracted to those people and things (or attract those people and things), and then trigger the experience, then I think it is good to relieve this pressure through some form of creation, at least we don’t have to experience those things in person. And because we exist in this world at the same time, sometimes we just happen to experience what others want to experience together.
有些書和影片很奇怪，明明知道自己不喜歡，也一直因為心理抗拒遲遲沒有打開來看，卻也不捨得刪掉，就這樣靜靜的躺在清單上很久很久，直到有一天你突然能夠打開來看了；《來自深淵》就是其中一個。多虧了這些人，我也看到這些東西了。我想這就是時機與緣分吧？
Some books and movies are strange. You know you don’t like them, and you have been reluctant to open them, but you also refuse to delete them. They just lie quietly on the list for a long time, until one day you can open them and read/watch them; "Made in Abyss" is one of them. Thanks to these people, I also saw them. I think this is timing and fate, right?
𓈒𓂂 𓈒⭑𓍯𓂃 ֶָ֢˖ ࣪⊹
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