Nino d'Heresie

時間回到我在讀學士後中的時候，同學就有日本人和美國人，學長有一位是英國人。我當R的時候，也遇到從日本和奧地利來的學弟妹，他們都是非常努力、也很辛苦的克服語言和文化障礙，在台灣撐過實習和二階段國考，成為合格的中醫師。但台灣人自己好不容易成為中醫師，卻是想往外跑，想想也是蠻有趣的。（在以前任職的醫院，傷科主任每一屆都在洗腦學弟妹，與其在台灣做賤自己，不如去澳洲當中醫好賺。現在中醫集團已經朝國際化經營，在招人去新加坡、馬來西亞當中醫。） Back in the day when I was a post-baccalaureate Traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) student, among my classmates were Japanese and American, and one of my seniors was British. During my residency training, I also met fellow students from Japan and Austria. They all worked very hard and overcame language and cultural barriers to pass the internship and the second-stage national examination in Taiwan to become qualified Chinese medicine practitioners. It’s quite interesting though, many Taiwanese who have managed to become TCM doctors want to work abroad. (In the hospital where I worked before, the director of the Traumatology department brainwashed intern doctors every year, preaching that “Instead of being cheap in Taiwan, it is better to go to Australia and make a lot of ...

               人類有阻塞性睡眠呼吸中止症 (OSAS)，也就是睡著時，呼吸道發生阻塞或塌陷，造成頻繁的缺氧，而這在犬隻身上也會發生。狗狗版的類似疾病叫作 BOAS（唸起來像「波哇斯」）。人類和狗狗的呼吸中止症，兩者有什麼不同？又有哪些相似呢？ In humans, obstructive sleep apnea syndrome (OSAS) refers to a medical condition in which the airways become blocked or collapse while asleep, causing frequent oxygen desaturation. The canine version of the sleep-related breathing disorders is "BOAS". What is the difference between sleep apnea in humans and dogs? And is there a similarity between them? BOAS是「短顱阻塞性氣道症候群」的英文縮寫，是英國鬥牛犬、法國鬥牛犬、巴哥、查理士王小獵犬、吉娃娃、博美...... 這些短顱犬種好發的阻塞性呼吸疾病。網路上有很多這些狗狗站著打瞌睡、鼾聲如雷的影片，看起來很可愛，但其實狗狗是處在一種痛苦呼吸的狀態。可以說牠們醒著就一直是在費力呼吸。 BOAS is the abbreviation of "Brachycephalic Obstructive Airway Syndrome", which is an obstructive respiratory disease that affects dog breeds such as British bulldogs, French bulldogs, pugs, Cavalier King Charles Spaniels, Chihuahua and Pomeranians. There are shorts and videos trending on the Internet that feature the dogs dozing ...

以前東西壞掉會難過，現在都覺得還好它會解體壞掉，這樣就不會變成存在很久的垃圾。 I used to feel sad when something broke down, but now I feel reassured when I know that it will break down, so that it will not become garbage that lasts for a long time. ∷ ࿏ . . 這樣一想，人體也算是蠻環保的，很容易就壞掉，放著不管也會自行分解，融入環境。雖然很不好保養，會臭、會髒，還會痛，這點很不漂亮，但畢竟就是個肉體，也不能要求太多。 Thinking about it this way, the human body is quite environmental-friendly. It breaks down easily, decomposes and dissolves into the surrounding if left alone. Although it's hard to maintain, smells bad, gets dirty, and hurts, which is very unattractive, we are "mortal" beings after all, you can't ask for too much. ∷ ࿏ . . 前陣子有感而發的跟室友說，我就是活得夠久了，久到已經有過去可以回顧。每一段人生都像上輩子，所以感覺已經過了好幾輩子才來到這裡。記得小孩子的時候好像不會想那麼多，每天就是很認真的過那一天，也沒有什麼過去可以回顧。 A while ago, I felt inspired and told my roommate that I have lived long enough to have a past that I can look back on. The consecutive periods of my life before now seemed to have become past lives, so it feels like several lifetimes have passed befo...

人到底有多麻木，才會一直重複做著自己也不清楚意義何在的行為？ How emotionally numb can humans be that they subscribe to repeating behaviours that they don't even know the meaning of? 十月的某一天，腦袋裡在我半睡半醒時冒出了一個念頭：說不定我早就死了，只是我沒發現。 One day in October, a thought came to my mind when I was half asleep: Maybe I had died a long time ago, but it’s just, I didn't realize it. /  ——只因為我太習慣煩惱這些煩惱，承擔這些責任，承攬別人的期望，反芻那些罪疚，期望我尚未能獲得的人生——這些種種聚合形成一種特殊的慣性，或者說引力，拉著我順從這個身份附帶的一切持續運作。跟地縛靈一樣。跟籠子門開著也不懂得自己走出去的動物一樣。 ——Just because I am too used to worrying about these troubles, taking on these responsibilities, accepting other people's expectations, ruminating on those guilts, and hoping for a life that I have not yet obtained - all these aggregates to form a special kind of inertia, or gravity, that pulls me. It continues to function as I submit to everything that comes with this identity. Same as a stone tape ghost. Same as an animal that doesn't know how to get out even if the cage door is open. /  最近看了《京城怪物 2》，劇中的男主角失去了過去所有記憶，但是...

馬克．吐溫曾說，人類與自然界其他生物的唯一區別在於道德感。 這種感覺是對人類和整個自然的詛咒。 As Mark Samuel Clemens Twain stated, the only difference between humans and the rest of nature is its moral sense. This sense is a curse on mankind and all of nature. *.＊  大自然並無道德可言。所有存在只不過是尋求被愛──他們藉由剝奪自己以換取愛。 Morality does not exist in nature. There are only beings seeking Love - while depriving themselves of love. *.＊  他們剝奪自己的愛的藉口？道德。他們剝奪他人的愛的藉口──道德。 Their excuse for depriving themselves of Love? Morality. Their excuse for depriving others of Love? Morality. *.＊  自然沒有善與惡的相悖，只有極端之間的平衡。當一方或雙方太強或太弱時，和諧就不可能實現。 There is no conflict between good and evil, there is only a balance between the extremes. Harmony cannot be achieved when one or both parties are too strong or weak. ⸝⸝ ꕀ ⚚ ⸝⸝

前陣子，台灣各地都在迎接中秋節，商店在促銷，路上提著禮盒的人變多了。夜診結束的回家路上，除了被烤肉的煙燻到之外，還一直被路邊（和上面）（住宅大樓的高樓層）突然發出的鼓噪尖叫和放煙火嚇到。但也是在這種日子，給我一種模糊的感覺就是，在診間講一講就哭了的人，也變得比平常多。 A while ago, people living in Taiwan gathered around to celebrate the Mid-Autumn Festival. Stores were having sales, and there were more people carrying gift boxes on the road. On the way home from the night clinic, I found myself inhaling barbecue smoke, and my heart jumped as sudden noises of fireworks and screams exploded by the roadside (and above) ( the upper floors of a very tall building ). But I also have a vague feeling that on days like this, more patients just, burst into tears, in the clinic, in the middle of our conversations. 我覺得逢年過節，實際生活的體感並不如節慶氣氛所呈現的那麼歡樂，反而是本來就有憂鬱情緒的人更想哭的日子。可能看旁邊的人那麼開心，比較之下溫度差更大了。 I feel that during the holidays, the life we’re actually experiencing is not as joyful as the festive atmosphere appears. On the contrary, it is a day when people who are already in a melancholy mood tend to crumble into tears. Maybe the emotio...

有一種發生在人身上的矛盾，就是嘴上講想要的，跟他實際的行為背道而馳。 𖣂 我看著他離他要的東西越來越遠，看著他一直打轉、一直痛苦、一直說我沒有幫上他的忙，真是令人不知所措。 𖣂 話說我現在工作的診所後面有一條巷子，幾天前發生車禍。我是在便利商店聽到早班的送貨員跟店員說，那邊車禍整個塞住、過不來。這邊看起來是住宅區，臨路開了很多小店，巷子之間沒有紅綠燈，車流量蠻大的，車速也很快，尤其上學上班時間，小客車、大卡車、機車、送貨的都有......我都想說這邊車好厲害都可以完美錯過，我都蠻常過不了馬路。因為它一直東西南北、車子來來去去、縱橫交錯沒間隔。原來還是有撞到的時候。 等我幾分鐘後走過那個路口，現場已經收拾乾淨，車流恢復平常了。 𖣂 我直到前陣子才明白一件事，不是每個人都想避開衝突的。有的人不怕衝突，他甚至很習慣製造衝突、再利用衝突來達到目的。他也知道有的人怕衝突，只要他再往衝突爆發臨界點推進一點，很怕衝突的人就會跳出來緩場了，因為與其忍受衝突，他們寧願自行退讓或是妥協。 𖣂 很多時候說到「壞人」，你們心裡第一個冒出來的形象的那種人，我覺得有很多這樣的人，他們並沒有變壞，他們本來就這樣，那是他們本來的樣子。對這樣的人來說，他們只是在做自己、走他們的路，你只是剛好在他的行徑路線上。他們當然不會感到抱歉，因為憑什麼要以你的道理才「對」，說他這樣不行、要求他們改變呢？真正會感到抱歉的往往都是那些善良的人，每次出事他們第一個懷疑的都是自己做錯了什麼、哪裡做不好了，並且試圖努力補救，然後自責很久。 𖣂 我覺得這個世界其實很寬鬆，可以容納的光譜很廣，一般人也是過得下去就一直這麼做，自己忍耐、別人也忍耐、反正大家都各自忍耐就好。 有人總是把責任和問題往外拋，有人旁觀，而有人總是把責任和問題往內攔。因為事情就這樣過去了，下次把問題往外拋的還是會往外拋，旁觀的繼續旁觀，攬責任和處理事情的還是會努力處理事情。所以這個世界就這樣繼續運轉下去。 . .​​ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟